“whenever i don’t want to do something that i know i really need to do, i set aside a few minutes a day to sit down and work on it. when i chip away at it, i find that i actually get excited to come back to it and work on it again, and then all of sudden it’s done.” - my mom’s advice today that actually maybe worked/is working.

i want to come back to my blog but i don’t do it. i find it intimidating and overwhelming and i want it to be perfect so i don’t do it at all. better perfect than done, i always say.

i’ve been feeling burnt out lately. i try to show to grace to my patients and my team and i encourage them to show grace to themselves and each other. and yet, i find it so hard to show grace to myself. when the teenagers say they are anxious, i don’t ask them why. why? gestures vaguely to the world on fire. of course they’re anxious. of course i’m anxious. of course i’m feeling insignificant and hopeless and despaired, anyone with eyeballs could be. or worse, with a heart.

anyway yesterday it was monday morning and i really just did not want to do it. i faked it and threw on the smile and drank more coffee and i was still grumpy which if you know me in real life, you know i never am. i naturally found myself turning to one of my oldest and truest tricks, the gratitude list.

monday gratitude list:

for safety, health and wellness of self and others

for having enough money to buy the healthy food i want and like to eat, and the food that makes me happy

for stella

for my mama’s advice

for the courage to spend 15 minutes chipping away at a goal to come back to the blog, to you the reader and share my gratitude list.

for the idea that maybe tomorrow i’ll feel excited to come back to it.