I don't remember when I felt it for the first time. I want to say it started with my first round of medical school exams, but I know that’s not true. I remember feeling it years before, on the first day of school, at my first sleepover. During my first days on my yoga mat, wobbly knees in warrior pose, eyes darting to see who would watch me fall. To be honest, I knew the feeling well.

as the sun set on the first day of the new year, i took a deep long breath and felt myself stand on the same cold ground my body will someday return to.

i laughed until i cried today. tears of joy streamed uncontrollably down my cheeks and i felt joy deep in my sore belly.

i am grateful for handstands at 14,000 feet . just in case the sunrise i watched this morning turns out to be my last.